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CONFESSIONS: BLOGGER EDITION

The Curvy Socialite is in the September Issue of Ladies’ Home Journal

Ladies’ Home Journal, September 2013

So D-Day is finally here.

I got the September issue of Ladies’ Home Journal in the mail yesterday. A mixture of excitement and dread filled me as I held the magazine in my hands as I stared at the headline, “Love Your Body at 30, 40, 50+.” As I mentioned here a few months back, I was selected as one of the women to be featured in a piece on body confidence. Who would have thought I’d be featured in a piece about that.

So confession time…

Body confidence—or rather a lack there of—has been an issue for me for most of my life.

My vision of how I see myself and what others perceive me to be has dominated decisions I have made, paths I have taken and just how I lived my life in general. It started from a young age at home where I was constantly told that I was too big or too muscular (I was an athletic child) and that I need to be smaller if I ever want to have a boyfriend or get married. I wasn’t considered a pretty child with my thick calves, overdeveloped hamstrings, muscular arms and thick waist. I wasn’t lithe like my younger sister and my mother and every family member made sure I knew that. “You’d actually be pretty if you were skinny,” was a regular comment I’d hear from family growing up. The seed that being of a thicker frame being considered ugly and not attractive was planted back then.  I’d look at all my thin friends and family members and wonder why I wasn’t built like them. What was I doing wrong? What was wrong with me?

For years I was obsessed with becoming smaller. I tried fad diets, diet pills, purging, and starvation…whatever it would take to make myself be considered “small” and pretty. I’d read all kinds of crazy articles about dieting, celebrity diets and listen to what some of my friends and teammates would do to stay small. As a gymnast, I was bigger than many of the other girls on the team.  I was a super toned athlete (think a Serena Williams or a Mary Lou Retton or Shawn Johnson) versus what many thought was the ideal look for a tumbling pixie (think Gabrielle Douglas). I would sabotage myself and pretend to be injured or “not ready” for a meet so that I wouldn’t have to go up in front of crowds and perform. Why would they want to see how fat I looked in my leo?

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Going to college didn’t make the situation any better.  Seeing girls from all over the country and around the world that were beautiful and thin just made me hate myself even more. I would work out a lot and eat as little as possible. Many times, I would take my meals up to my dorm room and eat (or not eat) there. Who wanted to see a fat cow stuffing her face?

My weight would fluctuate dramatically for years. I’d be a size 4 one moment or an 8 a next. But when I entered into the real world, the real roller coaster began. I ballooned up to a 12. For many that wouldn’t be considered fat at all but because now I was a double digit size, I thought my life was pretty much over.  “Well meaning” friends and family had a lot to say about my expanding size. Offering tips or publically letting me know that I was too fat to order anything other than a salad. And dessert…perish the thought!

By my early 20s, my self worth was so wrapped up in my dress size. I was always depressed. I was already in and out of really bad situations with “boyfriends” who used and mentally abused me because they knew they could do that because at the end of the day I was too fat to be cared about. That’s when the binging and purging really started.  I knew it was wrong and could seriously harm me, but I didn’t care. I had seen the after-school specials and made-for-TV movies with Tracey Gold and others who suffered from anorexia and bulimia. I knew it could kill me. But I didn’t care. All those did were give me tips on how to hide what I was doing better. I had to be as close to a size small dress size as possible—at any cost. Ironically, I actually was a plus model for a few years and did rather well with it. Though I smiled for the camera, secretly I was stressing on how fat I was going to look in the pictures that came out. I was generally a size 8/10 back then.

Tracey Gold on the cover of People Magazine

Around this time I met my significant other.  Much older than me, he always saw me as a person. it would make him angry how obsessed I was about food, my looks and specifically my weight. But he is a patient man. He tried to use reverse psychology to get me to eat “real” food versus the “rabbit” food I ate regularly. I began putting on more weight but he didn’t mind. He would tell me every day I was beautiful. But it wasn’t easy for him either. When I got to a size 14/16 we’d end up in fights when it was time to go out on the town. I couldn’t wear that dress because it made me look like a cow. I couldn’t wear that top because you can see my rolls. Those pants…hell no…they made my thighs look huge. Mind you, during this time I was still going to the gym almost every day. But still I got bigger.

Fast forward to a few months ago my blogger friend, Alice, telling our blogger collective about this opportunity with Ladies’ Home Journal to be a part of a feature about body confidence and…we’d be shot in our underwear. I mentioned it to my mister and said I was thinking about applying (more as a joke than serious). He was all for it. So were some of my friends (including Black, Latina & Fabulous blogger, Amaris Acosta). Not thinking they’d actually call me back, I applied. A few days later, I got a call that LHJ wanted me for the shoot. DAMN.

The week before the shoot I was in California. The entire time I was out there I was stressed over the upcoming shoot. I worried about every morsel of food that I ate and worked out as much as possible while on the trip. The trip also served as the medium for another first…the first time I wore a bikini since I was 7. I wore it…but didn’t really take pictures in it. I still hated how I looked.

The day of the shoot finally came around. And after a crazy morning (I had lost my wallet), I finally made it on set. Everyone was so sweet. The staff at Ladies’ Home Journal went out of their way to make all of us “models” feel comfortable. Hair and makeup made us look gorgeous and the gorgeous lingerie. The photographer and his team gave helpful hints as to how we should pose and still be natural. And for the most part, I had a great time.

When I did the interview for the quote to accompany my picture, I talked about how the diets and pills and how I was working on building my self esteem. How my focus was on being a healthier me (all true). I kind of fibbed a little when I said I loved my curves. It’s more like I am coming to grips with them and learning to love myself. Looking back on all the things I did to myself in my never-ending undying quest to be the perfect size2, I knew I had to stop. I already proved my family wrong by getting into a loving happy relationship with a man who loved me for who I was not what the scale said. I have even become a proponent of thick, pleasantly plump, curvy and full figured communities. I love to see beautiful curvy women like Asia Mone’t, Liris Crosse and Christina Mendez in ad campaigns in all their full figured “goddessness”.  I’m in awe at how gorgeous and confident in themselves they are. I want to be like them.

After a trip to the GYN last month, I found out that I actually suffer hypothyroidism (pretty much my thyroid isn’t functioning properly and causes issues like weight gain, depression, decreased heart rate, hair falling out and more). Turns out that it can be genetic (I just found out that there is a history of thyroid issues in my family) and can also be triggered by stress (a constant state of being in my life). The mister thinks that part of it could be from my abusive behavior towards my body. Whatever the cause, I am working on managing it. Because like I said in the article, I am about a healthier me.

But as I sit here looking at page 88… (I have a whole page to myself) typing this post with mixed emotions, I am crying. Pausing from time to time because I can’t see through my tears to type, I look at this picture of me and others from when I was younger and realize how far I have come—and how far I still have to go. To be honest, I am not super happy about the picture (in my opinion my face looks way too big). But I am a little happy with myself because I can say I did it. I took a picture in my underwear for the whole world to see. I did that. That is something to be proud of.

PS…I’m still camera shy and it will take me a while before I start posting more pictures of myself here or anywhere else…but this was a start.

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RED CARPET GLAM– How to wear this season’s trends on your curves

Last night I had the pleasure of attending the 2012 NFL Draft Classic event at the Bryant Park Hotel in New York City. I was part of a glamified crew of women of all shapes and sizes that brought their A-game with their amazing red carpet style. Each showcased how to look your best in some of the season’s hottest trends and colors.

Model and New York City’s current Perfect Miss title holder, Shekinah Monee shows off her super fit curves in this beautiful Amirah Creations by Nailah Lymus piece that is all about the hi-low trend.

Shekinah Monee, model & New York City's Perfect Miss in a Amirah Creations by Nailah Lymus original.

Amaris Acosta, a former Miss New York United States, and currently one of the top pageant coaches and entertainment personalities in New York,  shows off her hour glass figure in this beautiful electric blue and black dress from ASOS. Blue is big this season from runway to red carpet to everything in between.

Amaris Acosta, former pageant queen and entertainment personality, sports this cute little number from ASOS.

Who said a curvy girl couldn’t do sequins? Asia Mone’t shows that even full figured girls can sparkle on the red carpet in the Embolden dress by plus-size designer, Qristyl Fraizer.

Plus Model du jour, Asia Mone't, shows that sequins can look good too on a curvier body in the Embolden dress by Qristyl Fraizer Designs.

So you say you’re afraid of wearing prints? Well why not pair a bold print with an amazing solid item for balance. Check out with celebrity stylist, Shatonia Amee of Pink Suede, Inc. did here with this neon-printed dress and black leather jacket.

Celebrity Stylist Shatonia Amee of Pink Suede Inc, shows us how to work neon colors and prints in this amazing dress!

So you got the outfit down, but what about your face? Take some cues from Asia Mone’t and celebrity make up artist, Bishaeba Swain on how to all about the face. Asia shows us how beautiful a soft natural look can be paired with and balances out a “blingy” outfit. Bishaeba showcases the classic smoky eye and nude lip. Bishaeba’s advice….pick your best feature and play it up!

Glamazons, Asia Mone't and Celebrity Make Up Artist BiShaeba Swain, show us to do the beauty thing on the red carpet

Thanks ladies for showcasing your amazing style!

COVER GIRL ALERT: Asia Mone’t on the cover of the April Issue of Goddess Magazine

Click on the image to read the full issue!

Curvy girl extraordinaire and CS friend, Asia Mone’t is the cover girl for the April issue of Goddess Magazine. Doesn’t she look gorgeous?????

Aside

The Goddess Magazine Awards are out! Check out the amazing ladies that have made the list. Continue reading

NEW YORK FASHION WEEK S/S 2012: Plus Model Magazine Presents The “As U Are” Blogger Conference

A gloomy September evening found me venturing to the very chic, Hudson Terrace for Plus Model Magazine’s Bloggers Conference as hosted by As U Are (www.asuare.com).  With a similar setup as the blogger conferences during Full Figured Fashion Week earlier this summer, invited guests had a chance to preview and critique the new Fall outer wear collection.

You have to check out the site. They don’t go by sizes but rather by measurements. You plug in your stats and they come up with the perfect coat for you–very innovative for a company that’s been around for 70 years. Though a mainstay in the outwear world, As U Are is just starting to foray into the plus size world. Can I say I’m in love? Their coats are very fashion forward and en trend yet, they each enhance and fit our curvy shapes perfectly. Based in Montreal Canada, they are not found in boutiques and retailers but rather are only e-commerce. Very 21st Century right?

Oh yeah, did I tell you each attendee is getting a free winter coat???? I’m so geeked right now. This turned out to be a nice pre-birthday gift.

Check out the images below (courtesy of Plus Model Magazine).

 

As U Are Zebra Wrap Coat

Jones Magazine and Avenue Pink's Chasity Saunders was one of the models for the evening.

MODEL-TO-MODEL: A PLUS MODEL PAYS TRIBUTE TO THE ICON WHO PAVED THE WAY

Asia Mone’t, the curvaceous model currently taking the industry by storm, was especially touched by the recent passing of plus supermodel Mia Amber Davis. In a heartfelt blog entry on The Fab Life of a Curvy Sexy Diva, Asia shares how Mia impacted her journey into modeling and what it means to not have her here in the physical world with us anymore.

Click here for the tribute by Asia Mone't

NEW YORK FASHION WEEK: JSONG….WAY Fall/Winter 2011

By Asia Mone’t

J Song’s Dream of Happiness presentation of their Fall 2011 collection during New York Fashion Week proved to be a stimulating display of heaven  on earth. The collection was inspired and infused with colors and textures of the four elements, Air, Water, Earth, and Fire. The array of styling compliments women of many styles combining pieces that are elegant, sophisticated, and relaxed. I really loved the variation of texture and colors, bringing life and color to Fall 2011!

Here is a clip from the JSONG New York Fashion Week presentation:

Here are a few of my favorite looks from the JSONG Fall Collection:

Purple crepe fur collar cape, black leggings over purple tights



Gold honeycomb 3-D flora embroidered coat and jersey dress

Red chiffon pleated and beaded dress

Multi-color block satin jacket jeweled camisole

Ivory / Brown fur collar jacket, ivory camisole, and ivory long skirt

Ivory lace cape jacket, crepe de chine skirt and Ivory / Brown abstract flora embroidered Chinese dress